That's what my dad said to me on the phone yesterday. I'm glad that he can still crack a joke, but I'm finding it very hard to laugh. I'm also finding it hard to sleep. It's 3:00 in the morning and my dad starts a new round of aggressive chemo today.
Hubs and I got into an argument when the credit card bill came this week. He didn't understand why I'd spent so much money on photos of the kids when I could have got them cheaper at Wal-mart or Sears.
I yelled back at Hubs, "I needed a really good photo of the kids for my dad, because he will be too sick to see them for the next four months!!"
I was shocked after I said it, I hadn't been consciously aware that I was so stressed out about that. I guess it's easier to worry about the little things than to let your real fears have time in your head. I want to be with my Dad and I can't be. I feel guilty about not doing more to help. My kids are winter germ factories and I'm terrified of making Dad sick. I feel helpless that my mom and dad are planning to spend Christmas alone, because Dad will probably not be up to company. I hate that there is nothing I can do to change that.
I'm angry about my Dad's illness. I'm extremely grateful that there is treatment available, but I'm livid that the treatment is hurting him so much. And that he has been hurting for so long. Why can't someone snap their fingers and make this go away? I want him to get better. Now. I do not feel like a grown-up as I write this - I feel like a little kid whose world has been shattered at the realization that her Daddy is only human. Because he's always been a superhero to me.
I love you Dad. Give us the word and we'll come running. We've got our fingers crossed over here.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
Oh, I'm sorry. I just found out that my little sister is undergoing chemotherapy for colon cancer, too. She's only 27 years old! It's so hard to be away in France while this is going on. I'm still in total shock. When I clicked on your blog and the page loaded up, I almost choked when I saw the title...
I hope your father responds well to the chemo.
I'm so sorry...I know it's hard. And I also hate the idea that your parents are going to spend the holidays alone.
But hopefully your dad will do well on the chemo, and then this will be a small sacrifice to make.
Hang in there! I will be thinking about your dad, and sending healthy vibes to him!
Hugs to you!! Heidi
We've been going through the same thing here, only my father is terminal. He's been fighting it and going through endless chemo (nearly 40 sessions in the past year and counting) and lives with the pain and misery just so that he can have another month, or even another week, to see his grandchildren. If you need to talk/vent/cry, holler: jenontheedge (at) embarqmail.com
I'm so, so sorry. I know how hard it is to watch and to feel so helpless. I hope that your dad gets through this treatment okay, and with his sense of humor intact.
I am very sorry to hear about your Dad and my thoughts and praryers are with him and with you and your family. It is so hard - the cancer, of course, and the effect it can have on so many people around the stricken person. I am so sorry that it is your father. Take care and I'll see you soon. Kellan
Oh sweetie....
man you've got a lot going on. I have a lump in my throat for you - I'm just so so sorry.
Oh no! It's not fair and I'm so sorry.
Aw, sweetie. I am so sorry that your family is going through this. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Especially having to stay away.
Hugs and prayers coming your way. Take care.
Oh Badness - my dad is my hero too and I can only imagine how I would react if he was facing what yours is facing. Sending you and your family big hugs.
Oh, I'm so sorry that your Superhero is so sick. You will all be in my thoughts, especially during the holidays. I hope your dad responds well to his treatment. Take care.
I am so sorry, big hugs. Family illness is hard, and even harder when you can't be right there. My thoughts are with you and your family...
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. This is a very hard time to go through. We also had cancer in the family this year and it's been rough. Take all the time you need to get through this. Talk out your feelings with your friends and family. It's ok to lean on those around you. And if you can't be with your dad in person, let him know how much you're there in spirit.
Your dad sounds like such a special guy... he's still a superhero obviously. I hope he does well on treatment.
Big hugs to you and your family, this has to be so tough on you, and your mother too, especially this time of year. Hope the kiddies stay well so they can get a visit with grandpa soon!
Hey there! Finally just snuck away and caught up on your last 6 or 7 blog posts. Is it bad form to comment on all of them here?
I am so sorry that you are going through this with your dad. Based on the joke he sounds like a character. My thoughts will be with you for the treatment.
And I wanted to say happy birthday to Badness!
And, maybe this will give you a laugh. I think you are the one who commented on my blog that the pinches would seem like nothing once I got my first bite. I did. I bled. I screamed. I agree. Stop the mommy abuse! We should start a campaign.
You guys are all so amazing - thanks for all the kind words and support. Imagine all of coming over and being sweet, and not one of you telling me to suck it up and stop being a big whiny baby! I have a lot to be grateful for. And I am. Very.
I'll be thinking of, hoping for your sister, joy suzanne; and your dad Jen; and your family skiplovey - all of you really, and everyone else fighting this disgusting disease.
Isn't it incredible that in any group of people, there are so many that have been touched and scarred by cancer?
And Chantelle - yes, that was me who commented that the biting would be much worse....and I'm so sorry that I was right, I'm certainly not laughing. Poor you! Stop the mommy abuse right now!
I understand your feelings. I've been there too: Far from my Dad when his cancer struck. Cancer is devastating. I hope the treatment does your Dad good. For my dad, it was discovered too late, he was already terminal, but I'll be wishing upon a star that your Dad makes it through.
Hugs,
J
it's sounds like your dad is a fighter with a sense of humor. hope this round does the trick.
Post a Comment