Insomnia is a Blogger's best friend....

My inimitable friend Karen has tagged me to do the Think Different challenge. To take something negative in my thoughts or life and think it different. To think it better. I'm flattered that she thinks I have such a post in me! I'm too lazy to tell you all the rules, but she is a far better blogger than I, so you can go and read them along with her entry.




I complain a lot about sleep in this blog. And in real life. My sleep deprivation is real, but I know that it is also temporary. Somehow, I have to keep that fact at the forefront of my mind, as a talisman to get me through the day. I complain about Hubs sleeping in and not getting up to help me and the kids start the day. It irks me. The truth is that he's not all bad. Hubs works about a gazillion hours a week at the company he started last year. His dedication and stamina astound me. I sometimes complain that he loves his company more than us, but I think he works so hard for us. So that I can stay home with the kids while they're small. So that we can build a better life. I am proud of him.

Hubs isn't going to start getting up at the crack of dawn with us anytime soon. I need to just accept that and move on. The kids have accepted it, the dog has accepted it, they don't even bother going to his side of the bed. I need to be thankful that I have a husband who works hard, and is such a good dad once he does wake up. No one can win the argument we've been having. I am busy. Hubs is busy. I am tired. Hubs is tired. Life with 2 small children, a fledgling company, a century home and a black dog is bound to have some ups and downs. It's time to just stop bickering and move on.

Thanks Karen.

Weekly Winners...It's been a Bad week...

Go check out the rest of Lotus's wonderful Weekly Winners Meme, there are always some fabulous participants. I can't for the life of me get the link button to load this morning.....I guess Blogger's hacked off with me again about something....I'm pretty sure Blogger's a man....

The obligatory spaghetti face shots -

Aren't you glad he's pointing at ME to clean him up?

He DOES have blocks

Peek-a-boo!

Don't I look handsome?

Thanks for the new sweater Grandma! Mommy bought me shoes to match!

Weekly Winners - A Princess's View

Santa brought me just what I wanted!! A camera!! I booted Mommy right off the computer so I could join in the Weekly Winners Meme with Braden and Lotus. I know you'll be a lot more excited to see my photos than you would be to read more of Mom's ranting, rambling posts. So, ta da! Here it is, a Princess' eye view of the House of Bad.

My dad. Reading the newspaper. It takes him all day.

My brother Bad

My Grampa Pampa

Gah! Mommy without make-up! Before coffee! Avert your eyes!

My mom used my camera to take this one of me....obviously she doesn't know how to hold the camera still, but she kind of likes the effect. She says that's what I really looked like as I ran around the house hopped up on Christmas sugar.

I gotta go now....I'm supposed to be in bed! Bye!

A Guest Post - Bad Speaks Out

Hey there, ladies of the Blogosphere! It's me, Bad, the real reason you even read my mommy's blog! I've been tagged by Alex for a meme, and I've managed to put mommy out of commission long enough to give you girls some of my time. (Alex, you would not believe how hard it was to wear my mom out...seriously, I'm kinda proud of her - girl has the stamina of a MUCH younger mommy!) Don't worry ladies, my mom will be fine. I just took the bottom shelf out of the dishwasher twice, climbed into the drawer of the stove, threw Duplo in the toilet, removed the grates from all of the heating vents, turned off Dora 4 times in a row to make the Princess throw a mad shrieking fit, and had mom follow me up and down the stairs 26 times. She's passed out on the living-room carpet now...I just climbed right over her head and she could only open one eye and groan "...meh!". I don't think she's going anywhere soon, so I'm all yours.

Alex asked for eight things about me....just 8? You know I'm irresistable, right man? Ok, so here are my eight secrets to success with the ladies....starting with my mommy.

1. Keep the ladies entertained. Like yesterday, I was in a long queue at the store with my mom, and all the ladies were getting grumpy and bored. What I did is this: I tapped the lady in front of us on the back until she turned around, and then I high-fived her. Within minutes, every person in that store was smiling and cooing, and lining up to high-five me.



2. It's all in the eyes....I know there's nothing you can do to get big blue eyes, or a right eye that's half brown, and according to one pretty lady I know, "fierce!", like mine, (sorry guys, we can't all be this stunning)....but practise your eye contact. Look into your momma's eyes and blow her a kiss....she's the one you've got to charm for now!

3. Know when to stop causing trouble and be sweet....you've gotta learn to recognize your mommy's warning signals. When my mommy's getting sick of carrying me around and saving me from the constant danger I crave, and I can sense she's thinking of plunking me in the playpen, I give her a little hug and pat her on the arm or back. Just 4 or 5 soft little taps to say "I know Mommy, I know. But we're in this together." Try it, she'll melt.

4. Smile. A lot. Whenever your mom says "No!", and you intend to ignore her, turn around and flash her a great big grin. (I have a feeling this works best if you don't have all your teeth yet). Your mom will still be mad, but she'll be laughing too.

5. Dress well. You'll need your mommy's help for this one, but luckily mommies are easily manipulated. Put up a huge fuss anytime she tries to dress you in something ridiculous. If she's really slow to take the hint, remember that you have three meals a day to arrange a change of clothes. My mom has been known to be stubborn and pin my bib on after I've removed it 8 times....if your mom does this too, you can always turn over the dog's dish on yourself or stick your arm in a toilet.

6. Talk to your mommy, and any other ladies you want to charm. It doesn't matter what you say, it's just your tone of voice. I'm fond of telling my mom that she's gone bat-shit crazy, but she doesn't understand a word I say and just picks me up and kisses me all over!

7. If it's kisses you want, make sure to take care of your silky-sweet skin! And here's one of my favourite tricks: When mommy nuzzles my neck, I giggle. Then I turn my head and raise the other side of my head towards her until she nuzzles it. And then again. And again. And again.

8. I know that mommy has told you all that I'm a breast man. That girl is just a big blabber-mouth. She can't keep a thing to herself....but I won't be too hard on her, I am incredibly sweet and perfect, so I can't blame her for wanting to brag! If you want to keep nursing forever, like me, (and why wouldn't you? Especially since mommy's getting lazy about what she eats and drinks....breast milk with coffee! And red wine...chocolate...garlic....hot Peppers...Hot Damn!) Um...where was I? Oh yeah - nursing forever. Enjoy your acrobatic nursing in the day, but if your mom starts to threaten weaning, then at bedtime when you smell of baby lotion, and you're warm and snuggly in your fleecy sleeper, lie still next to your mommy as she nurses you, hold her breast in your hands (without digging your nails in, just this once) and make soft little contented sighs in the back of your throat. She'll give up that crazy weaning talk!

(I'm supposed to tag 8 more babies, but I'll just let any of you who want to overthrow your mommy's domination of the computer mount your own rebellions and join in.)

See ya girls! Bye for now....I'm gonna go check on mommy....I need her to make me some lunch.

7 More Things

I thought of some! Amazing how the mind-numbing tasks of day to day life help a girl think....

So - when I am made Supreme Ruler of the Universe you can expect the following:

1. To expound on the carpet theme, carpeting in bathrooms will be banned outright. Because, ewww! Extra task-forces will be sent to England immediately....come ON people, you built an EMPIRE, what are you thinking?!

2. All people working in retail or customer service will be required to actually HELP their customers. Without sighing. Anyone caught glaring at a customer for daring to want to make a purchase, therefore interrupting an oh-so-important phone call about what you did on Saturday night, will immediately be fired and made to work shovelling poop at a farm or zoo.

3. The home phone numbers of all telemarketers will be made public. So we can phone THEM during dinner.

4. Babies will sleep through the night. 'nuff said.

5. Chocolate will be declared a food group.

6. That lady at my daughter's dance class, the one who is always telling me how exhausted I look, and how I look so much better and full of life on the days I manage to wear make-up, will have her vile tongue removed and be given a job scrubbing out public bathrooms everywhere.

7. All Mommies will be granted a hot cup of coffee and a shower before entering into each day of servitude to their children - the REAL Supreme Rulers of the Universe.

7 More Things....but later.....

So Karen and I were both tagged for the 7 things meme yesterday, and then unknowingly tagged each other again. Since I kinda like the Supreme Ruler of the Universe thing I ended with yesterday, I thought I'd give you 7 more things I'd do....but I can't think of any right now. I'll try to get to it this afternoon.

In the meantime, go read what Margaret did with this, that girl is talented and funny. She'd make a great Supreme Ruler - plus she said some lovely things about ME, further proof of her superior insight and intellect.

Supreme Ruler of the Universe

First, to everyone who commented yesterday - thanks. You make a girl feel so good, if the world finds out about y'all, it's gonna put the Prozac guys out of business!

Now, the lovely and talented Jen at No Place Like It has tagged me for the 7 things meme. Not sure I'm all that interesting, but here goes:

1. I had my nose pierced back when that still had the power to shock. The night I met Hubs for the first time he told me I looked "like a freak". He still asked around to get my number... Once suburban kids everywhere started piercing all of their various facial protuberances I stopped wearing mine. The hole has long since filled in.

2. I have to eat burgers and sandwiches around in a circle, so that the yummiest centre bit is saved for last. I will lay the smack down on anyone who tries to steal a bite of my middles....I mean it, Hubs, I'm not taking any more of that crap from you!

3. Except for my kids. I will give them my middles and eat their crusts.

4. I am crazy scared of mice. Even the princess thinks it's ridiculous. We had a mouse last winter and while we were trying to catch it Hubs had to go away for a week....he asked me what I would do if I saw it or caught it while he was gone and to his horror I told him that I'd pack the kids in the car and take them to the Marriott for a week. I would've too.

5. I can roll my eyes back in my head so that you can only see the whites, and then make them quiver. Boys of all ages love this trick. I can also bend the top joint by itself in all of my fingers. Try it, not everyone can do this.

6. I abhor carpets in any colour other than neutral shades from cream to taupe. My first act upon being made Supreme Ruler of the Universe would be to outlaw the manufacture of all coloured carpeting, and appoint task forces to knock on doors and rip out all existing coloured carpet. I would commission huge incinerators to be built to burn it all. Pink would be burnt first. I would do this before addressing hunger or world peace. (You can go wild with area rugs people, my vendetta is just against the wall-to-wall.)

7. I always break the chain when sent chain letters and e-mails etc. So why should a meme be any different? I think I'm supposed to tag 7 people, so I will, but I don't want to know seven things about you. Let's call this the mini-meme - I just want to know what YOU'D do first upon becoming Supreme Ruler of the Universe. So:

Phoenix
Karen
Heidi
Veronica
Margaret
Chantelle
Type(little)a

and anyone else reading this, if you want to play, you're it. And rules shmules. Tag someone else if you like!