E-mail from my MIL

and I quote:

Sarah, According to today's Toronto Star, women, who have morning sickness during pregnancy have children with higher I.Q Thought you might just want to know that it was worth barfing for. Love Judy

How exactly am I meant to respond?

I want to Rant but I'm trying not to.....

I don't know what to buy for Hub's sister for Christmas. I have looked, and looked, and looked. I have picked up a dozen lovely things, things that I would love to receive, and put them down again halfway to the cash. The girl is less than a year older than I am, you'd think we'd have enough in common that it would be easy to pick out her gift. I used to think that. I used to just find something that I loved and believe that she would like it too.

Then, two years ago, right about now, A called Hubs as he was driving home from work. She complained to him that I never spent enough money on her or their mom's gifts. She thought I was spending more on my sister and parents. (I don't know how she came to that conclusion, if anything the reverse is true because there are so many more people to buy for on my side of the family... and I only exchange gifts with one of my four siblings, the rest of us just buy for the children.)

I'm sure Hubs would never have told me about this conversation if he'd known how upset it was going to make me. To him it was just one of the litany of thoughtless, throwaway complaints his family has showered him with for years. But I was devastated. I thought of the beautiful silver earrings I'd given A the year before....of the handblown glassware wrapped up under our tree waiting for her, and the bag of stocking stuffers, all wrapped up and hidden in my closet until Christmas morning. None of it appreciated. None of it good enough.

I was completely unprepared for her criticism. I love Christmas shopping, love buying things for others and wrapping them up as pretty as can be, imagining the expression on their recipient's face as the paper is torn away. I was raised to be grateful for every gift I was given. I know that some of my friends and cousins received more expensive gifts, but I don't remember ever feeling jealous. My mom, as 'Santa', was and is, amazingly generous and talented. She taught us that giving is the greatest joy.

My younger sister and I both remember one Christmas, when we couldn't have been any older than 6 and 7, coming downstairs to see the stockings filled to overflowing with goodies wrapped in brightly coloured, glittering paper. (I'm not sure how many there were that year, but my mom filled one for everyone in the house on Christmas morning, that could be as many as twelve. ) As we rushed to find our own, to feel and shake each package while we waited for our teen-aged siblings to get up so that we could open them, we noticed that Santa had forgotten one stocking. Our Mom's was empty. I still remember the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach as my sister and I looked around for something to put in her stocking. Filling a bag with Christmas candy and dropping it in, looking at that one pitiful lump in the toe of her stocking. Mom got up and found us, and hugged us, and smiled. She wasn't worried that Santa forgot her....she said maybe he just left her something bigger under the tree.

I guess it's my mom's incredible capacity to give that I can't reconcile with my sister-in-law's incredible capacity to get. And I've lost my Christmas spirit when it comes to her gift. So, as I find myself unable to get perspective on this, I need you to help me. A is my age, but she's single, childless and very social. I've filled a stocking for her, and I'm thinking I'll give her a nice bottle of wine with a note "For a party..." and a pound of my favourite organic free-trade gourmet coffee, with a tag "and for the morning after..." It's a gift I'd be happy to get, but please tell me - if you were my sister-in-law, would you like it?