Mommy Dearest?

I am such a bad mom. Not everyday. Most days I'm actually a pretty good mom. My kids get to do crafts, we bake - even from scratch! , I take them on outings, and play with them in the park. We read together everyday. They eat healthy meals almost everyday. I do these things with them because I enjoy it, and I love them.

But today, I have been a bad mom. A really bad mom. I could make excuses - between Badness's 2+ wakings a night and the 3 times nightly pee breaks during pregnancy I haven't slept through the night in over 18 months. Last night was particularly bad. But this morning I just lost it. Badness wouldn't go down for his morning sleep - the nap he ALWAYS goes down for, and easily. The nap I count on. The nap I needed him to take. And he was so cranky. He kept fighting me to be put down and then he'd immediately look around and cry because he wasn't in my arms. And I had a few things that had to be done. This morning. Stupid things. Stupid g*damn pumpkin-face cupcakes for one of the girl's Hallowe'en parties this afternoon. And I fed everyone else breakfast but did I get to eat? No. And I can't do anything when the boy is awake, he's into everything. He learned to climb up and down the stairs this week and I don't have gates yet. He's obsessed with the dog's dishes. He learned to open the bottom drawer on the stove this morning and he climbed right in. And now I know I have to clean in there, too. Add it to the list.

So I stomped and screamed, and dumped him in the playpen while he wailed so I could finish the cupcakes and clean up, and the princess came in to say "Mommy, I'm thirsty". So I yelled at her too. And she started to cry.

I threw down the dishcloth and I sat on the floor and cried. Bawled. And I went and got my kids and I held them and kissed them and told them I was sorry. I let them 'swim' in the tub, and I made them lunch. Badness finally went to sleep and here I am confessing to you, dear blogosphere, instead of doing any of the things on my long long list. Because you won't interrupt me until I am finished having my say. And because I love your comments, but I can delete your thoughts if I don't like them. I wish husbands were so easy.

I am blessed with children that are not only healthy and perfect, but beautiful, sweet and bright. I don't think I deserve them. I want to crawl back into my bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there until the world looks better. But I can't do that. Because I'm the mommy. Because there is a Hallowe'en party this afternoon. I have to get dressed, do my make-up, put up baby-gates, pick-up toys, clean the bathrooms....and the drawer under the stove.