Will somebody get me a kleenex?

The Princess is upstairs playing with a little girl from school....it's her first ever playdate with a school friend. It's her first ever playdate with another girl her age. She plays with my niece and god-daughter, but they're both a couple of years older, and all of my friend's kids are boys. The Princess calls them 'her boys', and she loves them dearly, but there is something different in this friendship she is developing with another girl. This friendship that she has made on her own, at school, away from my eyes and without my help.

My daughter is shy and cautious, the crazy drama queen that lives inside her takes a while to come out to play. When I first went back to work when she was one, I sent her to a home daycare. After a couple of months the Princess started to cry as soon as she saw me dressed in work clothes. I tried to talk to her caregiver about why she was suddenly unhappy, and was told that my baby was anti-social. Needless to say, the Princess wasn't there much longer. That barb stuck in my head though, and I worry more than I should about how she's faring socially. I know that she loves school, that children come up to us at the park and around town and cry "Hi Regan!". That should be reassurance enough that she is fine, but I find I want more.

I'm listening to their little girl voices whispering and giggling as they try on princess dresses and jewels, and I've got tears in my eyes! The princess is so sweet, and so big. She took her friend by the hand when she arrived, and showed her around the house. She said "Sal is my dog, don't worry, she likes kids." When did this happen? When did she stop being a baby? I am so proud of the person she is becoming....who knew a playdate could make me this happy?

Thanks, more thanks, and Linky Love

Thanks all for commenting yesterday on my gifting dilemma. I would love to suggest giving up the gift exchange, but Hubs family is really small....it's just him and his mom and sis. I did give fair warning of our budget restraints this year, and told A not to worry about buying for us if she just wanted to shop for the kids. We'll see what happens. It's Hub's happiness that I'm really concerned about. Countless holidays have been marred by temper tantrums, and even though he keeps his silence I know it breaks his heart. We've made the decision that we won't expose our children to that, but having to kick his family out of the house on Christmas Eve? I'd rather agonize over a gift and keep the peace.

Laural, Kristen - I hear you. My mother-in-law took the reverse tack. The first year Hubs and I were together I asked for longjohns, because we going skiing in Quebec for New Year's and I hate to be cold. I told her I didn't care what brand, but I needed size L. When I opened my gift on Christmas Eve it was a really nice pair of Hot Chilly's longjohns, size M. I figured she'd forgotten my size, and I could easily exchange them, so I just smiled and thanked her sincerely. She looked me up and down and said "I opened up the size large, but I didn't think anyone could possibly be that huge." Nice.

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Veronica over at Sleepless Nights has started a forum. If you've never read her blog you should check it out, it's smart and funny. She's a young mom in Tasmania, (her daughter Amy is just a bit older than Bad). I love comparing notes with another mom, but even more I love the glimpses into her life in rural Australia, a country I've never been. Actually, it would have been the perfect spot for all of this gifting discussion, but I didn't think of that until now.

Rainbow Brite

Um, yeah - the new colour scheme is kinda lurid. I let the Princess 'decorate' my blog for Christmas...it was that or play Barbies, people! Let's live with it awhile, who knows? It might grow on us.....

I want to Rant but I'm trying not to.....

I don't know what to buy for Hub's sister for Christmas. I have looked, and looked, and looked. I have picked up a dozen lovely things, things that I would love to receive, and put them down again halfway to the cash. The girl is less than a year older than I am, you'd think we'd have enough in common that it would be easy to pick out her gift. I used to think that. I used to just find something that I loved and believe that she would like it too.

Then, two years ago, right about now, A called Hubs as he was driving home from work. She complained to him that I never spent enough money on her or their mom's gifts. She thought I was spending more on my sister and parents. (I don't know how she came to that conclusion, if anything the reverse is true because there are so many more people to buy for on my side of the family... and I only exchange gifts with one of my four siblings, the rest of us just buy for the children.)

I'm sure Hubs would never have told me about this conversation if he'd known how upset it was going to make me. To him it was just one of the litany of thoughtless, throwaway complaints his family has showered him with for years. But I was devastated. I thought of the beautiful silver earrings I'd given A the year before....of the handblown glassware wrapped up under our tree waiting for her, and the bag of stocking stuffers, all wrapped up and hidden in my closet until Christmas morning. None of it appreciated. None of it good enough.

I was completely unprepared for her criticism. I love Christmas shopping, love buying things for others and wrapping them up as pretty as can be, imagining the expression on their recipient's face as the paper is torn away. I was raised to be grateful for every gift I was given. I know that some of my friends and cousins received more expensive gifts, but I don't remember ever feeling jealous. My mom, as 'Santa', was and is, amazingly generous and talented. She taught us that giving is the greatest joy.

My younger sister and I both remember one Christmas, when we couldn't have been any older than 6 and 7, coming downstairs to see the stockings filled to overflowing with goodies wrapped in brightly coloured, glittering paper. (I'm not sure how many there were that year, but my mom filled one for everyone in the house on Christmas morning, that could be as many as twelve. ) As we rushed to find our own, to feel and shake each package while we waited for our teen-aged siblings to get up so that we could open them, we noticed that Santa had forgotten one stocking. Our Mom's was empty. I still remember the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach as my sister and I looked around for something to put in her stocking. Filling a bag with Christmas candy and dropping it in, looking at that one pitiful lump in the toe of her stocking. Mom got up and found us, and hugged us, and smiled. She wasn't worried that Santa forgot her....she said maybe he just left her something bigger under the tree.

I guess it's my mom's incredible capacity to give that I can't reconcile with my sister-in-law's incredible capacity to get. And I've lost my Christmas spirit when it comes to her gift. So, as I find myself unable to get perspective on this, I need you to help me. A is my age, but she's single, childless and very social. I've filled a stocking for her, and I'm thinking I'll give her a nice bottle of wine with a note "For a party..." and a pound of my favourite organic free-trade gourmet coffee, with a tag "and for the morning after..." It's a gift I'd be happy to get, but please tell me - if you were my sister-in-law, would you like it?

Why I can never have an affair.....

You may as well know it now. I have a huge crush on Matthew Mcconaughey. I was having the loveliest dream about him this morning.....but just as Matthew touched his beautiful lips to mine.....Gah! I was rudely awakened by a BABY. Bad, grabbing my head and squealing with joy as he attempted to rip off my face.

Wait for me Matthew....I've just got to deal with my wayward child....

Oh where coffee......where....?! Bad, you've gotta learn to make coffee first if you're gonna rip Momma from her sleep and her fantasies!

I love you, Matthew, kisses!

Better than a Lump of Coal

Everyone is making their lists for Santa now, but there is a very good chance that there will be nothing under the tree with my name on it. Hubs hates to shop. I'm almost convinced that he married me for my shopping prowess. I buy and wrap for the kids, his family, my family, our friend's kids, the Princess's teachers, the next door neighbours.....am I forgetting anyone?

Hubs just has to buy for me, and, at his request, I make him a list complete with the store addresses and websites. He leaves it to the last minute and I either get handed the gift still in the store's carrier bag, or get nothing at all.

However, on the rare occasions that Hubs decides to put his heart into giving.....wow. The first year that we were together Hubs went to Tremblant skiing with his friends on Valentine's Day. He offered to cancel his trip when he realized what he'd done, but I told him not to be stupid. I could handle Valentine's Day alone. The day he got back he called me and asked me to come to his house for dinner....and to bring a swimsuit. (I was like, wtf?) When I got there he'd taken a big roll of paper and covered the walls, and drawn palm trees all over them. He'd made a beach (with sand!!) on the floor, and a fire so that it was toasty warm. He was playing island music and he had the yummiest picnic for me....with champagne! How fast can you say "forgiven"?

The next year I was stressed out at college, with projects piled on every surface in my apartment, and a full-time job besides. Hubs waited until I finished school for Christmas break, and then he arranged with my employer for me to get the time off so he could surprise me with a trip to the Bahamas! His plan was to pack my bags for me and just drive us to the airport, but (thankfully!) he lost his nerve when confronted with my wardrobe and he gave me 24 hours notice to pack. In my panic to get ready and look stunning, I purchased a gorgeous pair of Armani sunglasses for almost $400. I really couldn't afford them...but they're still in my glovebox and I smile everytime I see them.

When I found out that I was expecting the Princess I was driving a little two-seater Honda CRX. Hubs had a Civic that he hated because it was too boring. Hubs is a car guy. I was more than happy to take the Civic and let him buy a new car, all I wanted was a back seat, a cup holder, and power steering! Hubs started shopping. Car shopping, he likes. He must have test driven 25 cars. One day he called me at work and told me to stop at the Mazda dealership on the way home....he's bought me the brand new car I liked. He drove the car he hated for three more years.

I spent the last month of my pregnancy with the Princess dropping hints about jewellery. I really wanted something from Tiffany's. There was no way Hubs was going to go to Tiffany's, I mean, it's downtown for one! He did buy me a very pretty silver locket. I guess I could moan and complain about the gifts I won't get this year, but I choose to be grateful instead. For the very precious gifts I've already been given.

Yeah, I'm a Loser, Baby....

Yesterday, at about 4:05, the Princess asked me when we were leaving for swimming.

"Gah! OH SHooT! Swimming has has already started! Quick, put your coat and boots on....I'll get the baby!"

I grabbed Bad out of bed and threw him into his snowsuit without socks. Grabbed a swimsuit and towel for the Princess and hustled them both into their carseats in less than 5 minutes flat. Tore out of the driveway and had her at the pool, and in the water, just about ten minutes after she asked her initial question. I've never forgotten about one of her activities like that before.

She's like me and hates to be late for anything but she did great in her lesson, and afterwards I gave her a big hug and helped her get changed. We pulled off her swimsuit and put on her sweater and unders. As I was trying to get her jeans over her feet I noticed that her underwear looked wet. I was kneeling in front of her, and as I looked at her, half-dazed, her underwear were definitely getting wetter by the second. I couldn't figure it out.....and then I saw a glimpse of red nylon....I'd put her underwear right on top of her bikini bottoms! Gah! How could anyone be that stupid?! (and to anyone thinking that she's four and should therefore dress herself, she can and does. But at 5:00, after an hour of swimming, she's tired and I'm tired, Bad is trying to crawl through puddles and I want to go home and make dinner so I dress her. Sue me.)

Obviously I couldn't let her go home in soaking wet underwear, and it's too cold to let her go home in her swimsuit and towel....and commando in jeans is just not a good thing. I rifled through the diaper bag in search of a solution and luckily her ballet leotard was still in there so we used it for underwear and just left the top half rumpled around her waist and tucked it under her sweater. Necessity is the mother of all invention...

Oh - and all of your comments yesterday made me think of something else I hate about that book, the suggestions of how to feed your baby. Now, I made my babies wonderful homemade baby food (because I can't stand the smell of the stuff in jars) and I'd never put cola in a bottle, but the recipe for Baby's First Birthday Cake....with wholewheat flour and apple juice concentrate instead of sugar? Come on! So here are a couple photos of my children being poisoned by white sugar and processed flour....you know they love it!

Bad's First Birthday Cake

The Princess's Second Birthday Cake