Two memes for the price of one....

Tootsie Farklepants (I giggle everytime I read, say, or type her name!) has tagged me for a 7 things meme. I have done this before, here and here, but I'm sure I can think of 7 more....and I haven't taken the required photos for the other post I'm working on, so here goes:

You already know the rules. Oh - and Chantelle tagged me for a meme a while back where I was supposed to link back to some of my favourite posts. I'm lazy, so I'll combine that meme with this one.

1. My first kiss was with the Spanish cousin of a friend's next-door neighbour. We were all playing tag. The only English he knew was the lyrics to Motley Crue's 'Smokin' in the Boy's Room'. I was 10. That song still makes me smile and I still like Latin men - but don't worry Matthew, I'll always love you best.

2. I don't clean the house nearly as often as I should, but when I do clean something I tend to get a little obsessive compulsive about it. If you like the fridge, you should see what I can do with a linen closet.

3. I like re-arranging furniture. I find it therapeutic. If Hubs is away and I can't sleep I will do it in the middle of the night.

4. Sometimes when I watch my husband sleeping I have to fight back an urge to kick him repeatedly. Sometimes I give in and hoof him quickly in the shins.

5. At my sister's house on Christmas day as I was watching my beautiful nephew Bill play in his exersaucer, Bad walked up, put a finger in his mouth, and extracting it with a pop, inserted it into his cousin's ear. Then he looked at me, smiled and high-fived. Yes, at the tender age of 12 months, my son has learned to execute a perfect 'wet willie'. I'm so proud.

6. I hate wearing socks. If I didn't have children to set a good example for, I probably wouldn't wear them at all. I do like my slippers, and I covet these, which would render socks redundant, even in winter.

7. I think I'm addicted to blogging. The first thing I do when I get up in the morning is flick on the computer on my way to make coffee.

Gah! I had a hard time with this today, and not only because I've got a child on each leg. I'm not tagging anyone, but if you feel you need an excuse to talk about yourself, feel free!

Badness Jones' Emporium of Baked Delights....

My tummy hurt last night. After two days of baking and eating and cooking and eating and presents and eating and laughing and visiting and eating and eating and eating, I felt like my stomach was full of lead weights. I woke up this morning still full.

It was a wonderful Christmas. Santa came and spoiled my children. The expressions on their faces were priceless as they madly tore the paper off their gifts. I cooked a turkey dinner with all the trimmings for Hubs' family on Christmas Eve, and was in charge of dessert at my sister's house on Christmas day, so it felt like a bakeshop in here on the morning of the 24th.

Double Espresso Chocolate Torte

Apple Pie and Pecan Pie

Everything turned out wonderfully - I used orange juice as the liquid in the pastry, but I also used butter instead of shortening, and it was hell to work with. I'm giving you the recipe for the chocolate torte, because it was impressive and delicious, but also ridiculously easy and low effort.

On the Twenty's Signature Double Espresso Chocolate Torte

500g bittersweet chocolate, chopped (they recommend Callebaut, and that would probably make it even better, but I just used the extra-dark bars from President's Choice and it was still fabulous)

1 1/3 c. whipping cream

3/4 c. unsalted butter

6 eggs

1 c. sugar

3 tbsp. coffee liqueur

Preheat oven to 225 F. Butter a 10" springform pan, and line with parchment. Put chocolate in a large bowl. Heat butter and cream together in a saucepan just to a simmer, and pour over chocolate. Let sit 1 minute, and then whisk until smooth.

Whisk together eggs, sugar and liqueur and pour into chocolate mixture. Blend thoroughly. Pour into springform pan and bake for 2 - 2 1/2 hours until edges are set and center is still slightly soft. Cool at room temperature, then refrigerate overnight in pan before unmolding and cutting.

Eat. Moan with delight.

Christmas Dog

Is Santa still here?

No - but he brought exactly what she wanted.

OH - I cherish each and every one of your comments, but I would just like to register my astonishment that my last post, a post about the interior of my fridge, garnered more comments than anything else I have written here. I love you, but y'all are wierdos. Thank-you! I'm so relieved that it's not just me.

Girl's gone a wee OCD....Weekly Winners!

Here are my pics for Lotus's weekly winners meme - I'm afraid that they're only exciting to me.

The annual pre-Christmas fridge clean-out -

and then we went shopping.

Our dream home....and Christmas dinner centerpiece. Great job Princess!

I was thinking of posting the photo of the interior of the fridge, ON the fridge, so that Hubs could put everything back where I want it....but that struck me as a little TOO crazy and controlling....even for me.

Another Day, another Party

The Princess had yet another Christmas party yesterday, this time at her "little" school. The Princess was invited as a special guest....being best friends with the teacher's son has its benefits. The party included a small concert, and never one to let a little thing like not having seen a rehearsal slow her down, the Princess chose to participate....the girl is a master of improvisation. Bad worked the room like a pro, giving parents and grandparents an excuse to say "ooh!" and "awww..." and "he's such a darling!". He hugged the legs of many strangers and would stop whatever he was doing to clap....a minute or so after everyone else did.

On the way home (only a block) the Princess went into full meltdown mode. She was exhausted, and over-sugared, and overwhelmed. She was crying and dragging her feet. I was being as patient and understanding as possible, and hushing "I know, you're tired, let's just go home, you can rest at home...."

She sucked in a big breath, wiped away a tear and sputtered, between sobs, "I've just had SUCH a big day....Mommy, I think I need a nice hot cup of tea..."

Don't we all. Merry Merry Christmas everybody! I hope Santa's nice!

Warning!!!! Really Crappy Poetry!!!!

The Boy is Sick.

Baby boogers everywhere.

The boy just wiped some in my hair.

Mucus dripping. Slimy. Green.

More snot than I have ever seen.

Can't breathe to nurse, he bites instead -

Boogers stuffing up his head.

I dream of snot - I can't lie down

In a sea of green afraid to drown.

I wipe and wipe, the flow won't stop

I'd think of closing up the shop...

but I'm the mom - his nurse and rube.

....I think there's dried snot on my boob.

Yuck. Bad, when are you gonna have a nap so I can take a shower?!

This just in! Musings of a Housewife is giving away 4 Land's End diaper bags....just leave a comment for your chance to win!

Taking candy from a baby...

The kids and I were very busy yesterday. We had breakfast with Santa at a community centre a few minutes from my sister's house - but a few minutes from my sister's house is almost an hour and a half from ours. It was hell getting out of here before 8:00, but totally worth the drive, the kids had a fantastic time.

When we got home I had to bake sugar cookies for the Princess's JK class. They're having their Christmas party today and I promised 25 cookies, plus icing and sprinkles, so the kids can decorate their own. The Princess was a big help, rolling and cutting out over 40 teddy bear cookies. I promised her that she could decorate the rest t home tonight, so she can leave for Santa.

At 6:00 I was madly cleaning up the kitchen and trying to cook dinner for my tired hungry children, when Hubs called to say he'd be late. He walked in almost an hour later, just as Bad was throwing his last piece of tortellini to the dog. The Princess was bouncing up and down, excited to see her daddy and begging to open her advent calendar. Exhausted, I told her to wait for daddy. I should have known better. She waited while he ate, while he changed his clothes, and while he checked his e-mail. When he finally got around to joining us in the living room, he and the Princess found the door with the little 19, and he helped her get the chocolate out. Then he opened up Bad's, and shared the chocolate with him.

"Mmmm..". Then he noticed that there was still a chocolate under the 12. "You missed one!"

"No", Bad just shook his calendar and some of the chocolates moved around. I don't know what day that belongs to yet."

"Oh well." Hubs said. And then he ate the chocolate.

"Hey! I told you not to eat that! What's wrong with you?"

"What? He's just a baby....he doesn't care. It's fine." And he opened up another door, and ate another chocolate.

"Stop it! Those aren't for you! I bought those calendars to teach the kids about waiting for Christmas! You're ruining it!"

"It's fine. Stop yelling at me. It's fine."

"It's not fine! You're stealing chocolate from your son's future!" At this point Hubs started laughing at me, and maybe I did sound ridiculous, but I was mad, and you guys know what I meant!

The Princess came to my rescue. "You're naughty Daddy! You say sorry to Bad right now!"

And then, this morning? Of the 16 sugar cookies I'd saved for the Princess to decorate at home...guess how many were left? 2!

"Well I didn't know they were for decorating! I didn't touch the ones for school!"

I'm so upset I made fudge. Well, I'd promised to bring it to my sister's for Christmas Day anyway, but I made it early. I'm going to have to hide it though, what with Hubs's apparent case of PMS.....and now I have to make more sugar cookies! Gah!

A Guest Post - Bad Speaks Out

Hey there, ladies of the Blogosphere! It's me, Bad, the real reason you even read my mommy's blog! I've been tagged by Alex for a meme, and I've managed to put mommy out of commission long enough to give you girls some of my time. (Alex, you would not believe how hard it was to wear my mom out...seriously, I'm kinda proud of her - girl has the stamina of a MUCH younger mommy!) Don't worry ladies, my mom will be fine. I just took the bottom shelf out of the dishwasher twice, climbed into the drawer of the stove, threw Duplo in the toilet, removed the grates from all of the heating vents, turned off Dora 4 times in a row to make the Princess throw a mad shrieking fit, and had mom follow me up and down the stairs 26 times. She's passed out on the living-room carpet now...I just climbed right over her head and she could only open one eye and groan "...meh!". I don't think she's going anywhere soon, so I'm all yours.

Alex asked for eight things about me....just 8? You know I'm irresistable, right man? Ok, so here are my eight secrets to success with the ladies....starting with my mommy.

1. Keep the ladies entertained. Like yesterday, I was in a long queue at the store with my mom, and all the ladies were getting grumpy and bored. What I did is this: I tapped the lady in front of us on the back until she turned around, and then I high-fived her. Within minutes, every person in that store was smiling and cooing, and lining up to high-five me.



2. It's all in the eyes....I know there's nothing you can do to get big blue eyes, or a right eye that's half brown, and according to one pretty lady I know, "fierce!", like mine, (sorry guys, we can't all be this stunning)....but practise your eye contact. Look into your momma's eyes and blow her a kiss....she's the one you've got to charm for now!

3. Know when to stop causing trouble and be sweet....you've gotta learn to recognize your mommy's warning signals. When my mommy's getting sick of carrying me around and saving me from the constant danger I crave, and I can sense she's thinking of plunking me in the playpen, I give her a little hug and pat her on the arm or back. Just 4 or 5 soft little taps to say "I know Mommy, I know. But we're in this together." Try it, she'll melt.

4. Smile. A lot. Whenever your mom says "No!", and you intend to ignore her, turn around and flash her a great big grin. (I have a feeling this works best if you don't have all your teeth yet). Your mom will still be mad, but she'll be laughing too.

5. Dress well. You'll need your mommy's help for this one, but luckily mommies are easily manipulated. Put up a huge fuss anytime she tries to dress you in something ridiculous. If she's really slow to take the hint, remember that you have three meals a day to arrange a change of clothes. My mom has been known to be stubborn and pin my bib on after I've removed it 8 times....if your mom does this too, you can always turn over the dog's dish on yourself or stick your arm in a toilet.

6. Talk to your mommy, and any other ladies you want to charm. It doesn't matter what you say, it's just your tone of voice. I'm fond of telling my mom that she's gone bat-shit crazy, but she doesn't understand a word I say and just picks me up and kisses me all over!

7. If it's kisses you want, make sure to take care of your silky-sweet skin! And here's one of my favourite tricks: When mommy nuzzles my neck, I giggle. Then I turn my head and raise the other side of my head towards her until she nuzzles it. And then again. And again. And again.

8. I know that mommy has told you all that I'm a breast man. That girl is just a big blabber-mouth. She can't keep a thing to herself....but I won't be too hard on her, I am incredibly sweet and perfect, so I can't blame her for wanting to brag! If you want to keep nursing forever, like me, (and why wouldn't you? Especially since mommy's getting lazy about what she eats and drinks....breast milk with coffee! And red wine...chocolate...garlic....hot Peppers...Hot Damn!) Um...where was I? Oh yeah - nursing forever. Enjoy your acrobatic nursing in the day, but if your mom starts to threaten weaning, then at bedtime when you smell of baby lotion, and you're warm and snuggly in your fleecy sleeper, lie still next to your mommy as she nurses you, hold her breast in your hands (without digging your nails in, just this once) and make soft little contented sighs in the back of your throat. She'll give up that crazy weaning talk!

(I'm supposed to tag 8 more babies, but I'll just let any of you who want to overthrow your mommy's domination of the computer mount your own rebellions and join in.)

See ya girls! Bye for now....I'm gonna go check on mommy....I need her to make me some lunch.