...now I'm blushing!

Thanks everyone for all your sweet comments on my last post....I didn't mean it to fish for compliments, but I'll take them! You're quite the confidence boosters....next time I have to shop for bathing suits, I hope you're all free to come with!

Hubs is working a trade show this weekend, which makes him worse than useless to me, so the kids and I are off to my parents for the next few days. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

xoxo Badness

Through the Looking Glass....

Just who is that girl in the mirror? I don't know, but she's looking more and more like someone I used to know. (I know I said I have curly hair, but the Princess and Bad 'styled' it for me this morning.) And yes, I know the mirror is streaky - so sue me.

Ok, so maybe I've still got a LITTLE phobia about scales....

Hubs: "So how's the diet going? You look great...how much have you lost now?"

Me: "I'm not sure....I haven't weighed myself in a bit."

Hubs: "So hop on the scale now, I want to know."

Me: "I'm too lazy to do it now."

Hubs: "Too lazy? The scale's right there!"

Me: "I know, but I'm already dressed, and I only weigh myself butt naked."

Hubs snorts

Me: "It's too late today anyway."

Hubs: "How can it be too late?"

Me: "I only weigh myself first thing in the morning....right after I've been to the bathroom, and before I've had anything to eat or drink."

Hubs: "Lady, you've got a problem. You need help."

Hmmm....glad I didn't tell him that I also make sure that Bad has just nursed, just in case an excess supply of breast milk should skew my results....maybe I could use some therapy....
However, to end the suspense for all of us, this morning I got on the scale. I'm down 16 pounds from when I started - that's halfway to my goal!

I apologize for my continued use of profanity, but (Insert string of nasty expletives here)

I was just in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher, when Bad walked in to help me. Bad walked in to help me. Unremarkable, but for the fact that mere moments earlier I had put him in jail (the playpen).

"Princess? Did you help Bad get out of the playpen?" You'll have to imagine the frightened yet hopeful tone of my voice.

"No Mommy!"

I don't use the playpen a lot, but sometimes I need to contain him for his own safety.

Oh fack. Fackity fack fack fack.

Will Winter ever facking END?

I want to slip on my flip-flops to go outside. NOt pile on hats, mitts, coats and boots. I wanted to play outside with my kids today, but I wanted to colour with sidewalk chalk, walk to the park, ride bikes....I did not want to help the Princess make another. facking. snowman. But I'm the mom. Sigh. So I did.



The Canpar delivery guy came by as we were finishing up, and he said, "I hope it snows some more so you can build a bigger one!" As he backed out of the driveway I flipped him the bird.

Peanut butter, Chocolate and Banana

Mmmmm....pb, chocolate and banana....it's one of our favourite taste combinations here at the House of Bad. I've been making the Princess a smoothie with that combo for years, whenever she couldn't face a full breakfast, or I just thought she needed an extra burst of food energy.

On Saturday, the combo achieved new heights of yumminess. We were standing in line at the grocery store when I noticed a display of very ripe bananas on special. Hmm...haven't made banana muffins in ages. Actually, we haven't had a banana go overripe since Bad started eating them. Sometimes I have to go back to the store mid-week to buy him more. I grabbed a bunch, and after lunch the Princess and I set to work making muffins.

I pulled out all my cookbooks to look for a suitable recipe. I wanted something healthy, but with a bit of moist and treaty to it too. I found a low-fat recipe I hadn't tried before, but the other baked goods in the book were good. I scanned the list of ingredients...2 egg whites....I could just substitute 1 whole egg, I'm not bothered about a bit of fat and cholesterol....1/4 cup reduced-fat margarine....eww....what's in that stuff anyway? I could just use butter or oil....but what if I used peanut butter? And what if I used chocolate chips instead of blueberries? OMG delicious-ness, that's what. So, my pretties, I have 2 recipes for you today.


The Princess's Peanut butter, Chocolate and Banana Smoothie

1 banana, (preferably frozen) cut into chunks
1 1/2 c. milk or soy milk
2 tbsps creamy peanut butter
2 tbsps chocolate milk powder

Put it all in a blender and whizz until smooth. Serves 2 (What? You thought I could make it for her and not have some myself? Not so much)


OMG So YUMMY! (but still marginally good for you)

PB, Chocolate and Banana Muffins

1 c. quick-cooking oats (NOT INSTANT)
1/2 c. each all-purpose and whole wheat flour
1/4 c. wheat germ
1/2 c. granulated sugar
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
3 fairly large, very ripe bananas, mashed
1 egg
1/2 c. creamy peanut butter, melted (I just put the filled measuring cup in the microwave for a minute)
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 - 1 c. chocolate chips (I used 1/2 c. , because that's all I had in the house, and they were fabulous, but you could make them more chocolatey if you wanted)

Preheat oven to 375F

Combine oats, flours, wheat germ, sugar, baking powder and soda, and the salt in a large bowl. Stir and set aside

In another bowl whisk together bananas, egg, vanilla and melted pb until smooth. Add to dry ingredients and stir just until combined (don't overmix, a few lumps are fine) Gently fold in chocolate chips.

Line or spray your muffin tins, and divide batter evenly between them. (Again, the original recipe was for 12 large muffins, I made 20 medium ones with this) Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until cake tester inserted in center comes out clean.


The smell of these as we mixed up the batter was incredible. It was even better when they were baking. Hubs and the kids were hopping around me in the kitchen waiting for them to cool down enough to try one.

"MMMMM...." said the Princess, "these muffins are SUCH good! Can I have another one?"

Hubs: "Not right now, it's not that long until dinner. I want another one too, but let's not be piggy"

Me: "You can have another one after dinner if you want"

10 minutes later I found Hubs back in the kitchen, with a guilty look on his face.

Me: (with suspicion) Did you just have another muffin? After telling the Princess that she couldn't?

Me: (after suspiciously counting the muffins left) Did you just have TWO more muffins? After telling the Princess that would be piggy? Do you think that's fair?"

Hubs: But it's too late for me, I'm already fat.

Me: *snort*

Hubs: This is a 'do as I say, not as I do' kind of a house.

Well, I'm always glad when my cooking gets a good reception, and it's less for me to eat, but if I may make a suggestion? If you'd like to enjoy some of them yourself? Bag a few up as soon as they're cool and hide them at the back of the freezer.

The Outfit

Since it takes all of my cunning and evil powers of deception to trick the Princess into putting on what I want her to wear, most days she picks her own clothes. If I were to wear this I'd look like a ridiculous clown...so why does she just look incredibly sweet?

and something is up with my camera....the focus is all off. Damn.

The Boo-boo

I was in the kitchen yesterday afternoon, trying to prepare dinner before we left for swimming when I heard the Princess cry. It wasn't the sad cry. It wasn't the angry cry. It wasn't the "my baby brother is trying to be in the same room with me so I'm gonna throw an all out schizoid temper-tantrum fit" cry. It was the hurt cry. The real, true pain cry. I was halfway down the hall to the living-room when reached me. I could see, from 4 feet away, the cut below her eye. I could see that it was deep, and below it the river of blood flowing down her cheek, her chin. Splashing onto her shirt, her pants, her socks, the floor. She'd fallen while playing and hit her face on the edge of the bookshelf.

I scooped her up, and sat her on the kitchen table while I searched for a clean cloth to dampen and hold to her face. I held her with one arm and kissed and shushed her while I reached for the phone. I left deranged messages on half a dozen answering machines around the neighbourhood (hey, I don't like to worry and panic alone!) before finding a neighbour to come and watch Bad so that I could drive my Princess to the emergency room.

She didn't want to go, and she refused to leave until I changed her clothes. I told her how nice the doctors were there, that she'd been there before when she was a baby. She was very worried when I couldn't promise that she would have a girl doctor. But she's a tough cookie, and she stopped crying, and she held the cloth to her face. She fell asleep on the 15 minute drive.

All the emergency parking spots were full, never a good sign, so I had to park in the Visitor's lot and carry my girlie across to Emergency. After a short interrogation by the triage nurse we registered and sat down to wait. It was almost 2 hours before we saw the doctor, but the Princess had a good time. There were storybooks in the waiting room, and she had her mom's lap all to herself. In the examination room we played I Spy, and practised counting, and we sang all her favourite songs.

Finally Dr. Tall, Dark and Handsome arrived. He was as gentle and soft-spoken as could be. The Princess smiled, and answered his questions, and followed his finger so he could check her vision. She didn't flinch as he felt all the bones in her cheek. We'd been waiting so long that the cut had already started to close on its own, and because it was horizontal, and straight (apparently that's much better than a vertical cut), and because of her age, he didn't want to stitch or glue it. He gave me a list of instructions: Don't wash the cut for a couple days until it's good and dry. Squeeze a vitamin E capsule and rub onto the scar at bedtime for the next few months, and make sure there is SPF 50 on that area whenever we're out in the sun at least until July or August. She shouldn't have much of a scar.

Then Dr. Tall, Dark and Handsome did the unthinkable. He took out a tiny little band-aid and gently applied it to her face. The Princess freaked. She protested and cried, her little body shook with the sobs. Dr. Tall, Dark and Handsome looked from his previously brave patient to me with no small amount of shock. "I'm glad I didn't have to do stitches!" He didn't know what was wrong. I guess only I could hear the words coming soft and low between her sobs. "That's a boy band-aid mommy! It doesn't match my outfit!"

We stopped at Shopper's on the way home for Disney Princess bandages, and as I gave my Princess an extra hug last night at bedtime, she squeezed me hard and whispered, "I love you Mommy. These boy doctors just don't understand about girls!"

Hungry....

I'm down another 2 pounds this week. But I'm hungry today. I ate the same breakfast I usually eat, and I had coffee and a cookie, and then I had to take the kids outside (and it's freezing!) just to keep myself from eating again before lunch. I just had lunch, and I made myself a cup of tea, and already I keep glancing at the kitchen!

The Princess has swimming today, so if I can keep myself out of there until we leave at 3:30, I'll be safe until we get home, and then it's time to make dinner anyway, so I'll be fine.

I have no idea why I'm so hungry today....

Weekly Winners - Bad is in the House

Hey, beautiful ladies of the Blogosphere! Miss me? I knew you did. Listen, thanks for reading my mom's drivel day after day, she doesn't have my style or charm, but she tries hard.

My mom is always complaining that I put more of my food on top of my head than into my mouth. She's exaggerating, and I only do it so that we can have a fun activity after meals, so she doesn't get bored. But is she grateful? No. Women can be so hard to please. She usually tries to give me something 'safe' for breakfast and lunch, but yesterday I showed her that a grilled cheese sandwich can no longer be considered one of those foods.

I told her quite clearly what was expected. I pointed up the stairs and said "Ba! Ba!" But did she take me to the tub for some splashy-time fun? No. She stubbornly brushed out the worst and then scrubbed my head with a washcloth!

As if that wasn't enough humiliation, she twirled my hair into this ridiculous kewpie doll hair-do. Could one of you call her and let her know that it's not 1983 and I am NOT her Cabbage Patch doll?
It's gonna take me forever to comb this out and return to my signature cool. *Sigh*. Catch you later girls.

Too Much Information - My 101st Post!

Ok, I know blog-land tradition is to do the big list for your 100th post, but I couldn't resist posting my new title yesterday. So y'all are gonna get a freebie. Go get yourselves a latte, I'll wait. I'll try to be brief, but 101 things is still going to take awhile!

1. My initials spell Bad's real name.

2. I didn't realize that until last night when I couldn't sleep.

3. I re-arrange the furniture whenever Hubs is away for the night. I find it therapeutic.

4. I'm a picky eater.

5. I wouldn't touch yogurt or tuna until I was in my twenties.

6. I didn't start drinking coffee until I was 25.

7. I will read my favourite books over and over again.

8. I can still remember the phone number from the house I grew up.

9. I don't know my mother-in-law's.

10. I sing corny sitcom theme songs to my kids - think 'The Brady Bunch' and 'Gilligan's Island'.

11. Also old advertising jingles for products like Smarties, Lifesavers, and Velveeta.

12. I have 2 older brothers, an older sister, and a younger sister.

13. I once had a dog named Mergatroid.

14. My dad named her - after a mean old woman on his paper route who'd never had anything named for her before. Good storyteller, that one.

15. Before the Princess was born I wanted to name her Lucy. I told people the name, and every time my MIL said it, I wanted to punch her. Lucy isn't the Princess's name.

16. I am cranky and miserable for at least the first hour after being woken up.

17. Apparently, I've always been that way. When I was a baby, I once fell asleep on my stomach in the middle of the kitchen table (wtf?) and my family just ate around me because they were all afraid to move me.

18. I am afraid of mice. And bugs. And snakes. And bats. And skunks. I am basically just a big sissy.

19. Thanks to two uncomfortable pregnancies, I can puke in a bucket while driving a stick shift.

20. I drive too fast.

21. I'm trying to slow down.

22. I sang the lead in my grade 8 musical production of "Teen".

23. I really, really, hope that any videos of that will spontaneously combust.

24. I used to figure skate.

25. I was never very good, but I did compete in a few competitions and wear those skimpy little dresses.

26. Right now I'm wondering how many of you are looking at the numbers, and would you notice if I skipped ahead to the 40's?

27. I like vegetables more than fruit.

28. I can still do a headstand underwater.

29. I tried to show the Princess how to do a headstand a couple of months ago in the living-room and I had a sore neck for a week.

30. I used cloth diapers for the Princess.

31. I switched to disposables after less than a month with Bad.

32. I have changed three poopy diapers already today and it is only 6:54am

33. I hate poop.

34. I wish my children would learn to sleep in.

35. I made homemade baby food for both kids. I thought it was easy.

36. I didn't think it was healthier, it's just that the smell of the stuff in jars makes me sick.

37. I can type and nurse at the same time.

38. I'm doing it now.

39. My favourite meal to eat in a restaurant is breakfast.

40. My favourite city is London, England.

41. I don't have a favourite colour.

42. I don't like to drive with my husband in the car.

43. When we were dating he once phoned me past midnight to come to the pub and drive him and his truck home. He kept telling me not to hit pedestrians.

44. He still hasn't paid me the $17 cab fare I had to spend to get to the pub.

45. Hubs and I met at a pub. He played on my best friend's ex-boyfriend's rugby team.

46. Best friend is now married to that same ex-boyfriend, so it's all worked out in the end.

47. I hate rugby. After 10 years of watching games I still couldn't tell you the rules.

48. My mom taught me to read before Kindergarten.

49. I feel guilty that I haven't taught the Princess to read.

50. I'm not a very good teacher. I'm too impatient.

51. I have green eyes.

52. I'm in desperate need of a pedicure.

53. I have pale and sensitive Irish skin.

54. So do the Princess and Bad. I wish they had Hub's tougher hide.

55. I don't think I want to nurse Bad much longer.

56. I feel really guilty when I think about weaning him.

57. I grew up in the country, and couldn't wait to leave.

58. I now live in the country, and I miss the city.

59. But I like our house.

60. When the Princess was a baby I didn't let her watch any tv. I was adamant.

61. The kids now watch tv everyday.

62. I am so sick of snow.

63. I want to wear sandals, not boots.

64. I've never been able to snap my fingers.

65. But I can whistle.

66. I like wrapping presents.

67. Christmas is my favourite holiday.

68. I had an almost perfect childhood.

69. I worry that I'm not doing as good of a job as a parent as my mom did.

70. I forgot to turn on the stove. It's going to take an awfully long time for the kettle to boil for tea that way! I'll be right back.

71. I like to cook, but I hate cleaning up.

72. My favourite meal is still spaghetti.

73. With garlic bread.

74. And cheese.

75. I grew up eating Kraft parmesan cheese in the green shaker, but I only buy fresh parmesan now, and grate it myself.

76. I'm a snob sometimes. And a picky eater.

77. I don't like Cheese Whiz, but when I lived in England and they didn't have it I craved it.

78. Sometimes I wish I'd stayed in England.

79. Sometimes I'm really glad I came home.

80. I like my whole family.

81. I don't understand Sudoku.

82. I've been going to bed really early since Bad was born, and have no idea what's going on on tv.

83. I have to pee a lot.

84. I always think my kids are better and cuter than the other kids at the playground.

85. Sometimes I get really bored taking my kids to the playground.

86. Sometimes I get really bored just being with my kids.

87. But sometimes I think they're more fun than anything on earth.

88. Is anyone still reading this list?

89. I have a tendency to repeat myself.

90. I have a tendency to repeat myself.

91. The Princess has switched her loyalty from Dora to the vapid Disney Princesses. I'm going to miss Dora.

92. I'm hungry.

93. But I'm not going to eat breakfast until I've finished this post.

94. That's how dedicated I am to all of you.

95. My husband doesn't understand why I have a blog. He thinks it's stupid.

96. When I was pregnant with the Princess I couldn't stand the smell of eggs.

97. When I was pregnant with Bad I ate an egg salad sandwich for lunch every day for weeks.

98. I wish we had a hot tub.

99. I probably wouldn't use it.

100. I like cold pizza for breakfast.

101. Reading your comments is one of my favourite parts of the day. IF any of you made it through the whole list, thanks!

I may just have to make this official....

With much thanks to Jen on the Edge , you may all now call me:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Milady the Most Honourable Badness the Radiant of Much Madness upon Avon Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Ahem.

No bikini for Badness

I was holding my shirt up and lamenting the condition of my stomach to Hubs this morning. "I knew that the skin would never be the same after Bad was born, but I think it might be getting worse now that I'm losing weight. I think the fat was helping to plump things out. It's saggy and wrinkled! Wah!!"

Hubs lifted his shirt and patted his own tummy and said, "I think your tummy's cute, but you don't have the sexy firmness I do."

"I want skin like the Princess!" I whined.

I hadn't realized that the girlie was listening in until she piped up, "Mommy, but my skin is SO soft!"

"I know....that's why I like it." I crouched down to look at her and she patted my cheek. "Don't worry mommy, you can touch my skin!"

"I can?"

"Sure!" And off she pranced, having solved all the problems of the world.

I want skin like the Princess....wah!!! And I could do with a dose of her attitude, too.

Shopping and Starbucks

Bad had a doctor's appointment yesterday, so after dropping the Princess off at school I strapped him in the car and drove to the city. We moved up here more than 3 years ago, but I've never bothered changing doctors. I like ours so much I think it's worth the 45 min drive. We usually make a day of it - go for lunch, do some shopping. The budget is a little tight these days, so we met my sister and nephew at Chapters. I had a gift card from Christmas to spend, and since they have a train-set in the Children's section and an on-site Starbucks, it's a fabulous place to while away a couple hours.

When we lived in the city I was a Starbucks girl. That was the coffee shop nearest school and work, and that was where I went, despite Hubs constant moaning over their prices. Since moving north, I've found myself without a convenient location, and have become a Tim Horton's drive-thru girl. I realized it had become an excessive habit when the Princess, age 2, piped up from the backseat one day as we were driving down the highway, "Mommy? Can you please roll down your window and get me a timbit?" (For those of you in Timmy's free zones, a timbit is a mini donut) The coffee is good, but yesterday, sipping my Starbuck's tall skinny latte, in a big leather chair in front of a roaring fire, I realized how much part of me still misses fancy coffee and city life. It was wonderful. It was partly the company that made it great, and since my beautiful nephew is still not crawling, my sister was free to help me chase Bad all around the store!

Here's what we bought:

This is an illustrated version of the classic poem by Robert Service. The illustrations are by Ted Harrison, and are gorgeous. It's a bit ahead of where my kids are now, but we already have an out of control collection of board books and storybooks for little ones, so I think a book to grow into was a better choice. My dad used to read this poem to us all the time, and when I saw this book on display I knew immediately I was going to buy it. Now I just have to get the kids and the book to my dad, so that he can read it to them. I've got the rhythm and cadence right, but he is a raconteur of the highest order, and I can't mimic the humour he injects into his delivery, or the wonderful timbre of his voice. And it's his voice that I want them to hear when they read this to themselves later, just like I do.

I also bought this:

to give to the kids for Valentine's day. It's a very sweet story. And, if anyone out there is looking for an inexpensive gift for the Princess, or any other equally royal little girl, I bought this for the Princess to take to a birthday party this weekend. She loves it, and is very distressed that it isn't for her!
I love a successful shopping trip. Now if only I could get another latte.....

Badness Goes Granola

Okay, not really. But I made some. Granola is one of those foods that I could just never really see the point of. The stuff that comes in the box? Tastes chemically. The powdery looking stuff at the bulk food store? Meh. But then....I made some. And today I made some more. Mmmm....

I've been eating 1/3 cup for breakfast with 1/2 cup of yogurt. On Friday the Princess said to me, "You have to eat something else for breakfast! You ate that day after day after day after day! The next day you have to eat something else. Promise Mommy...." I was out, so I ate something different for the last 3 days, but tomorrow.....

Here's the original recipe - change it as you see fit. I made a fruitless version, just augmenting the amounts of the other ingredients a little, and added chopped crystallized ginger....mmm.....

2 cups oatmeal (I used 1c. oatmeal, and 1 c. spelt)

1/2 cup wheat bran

1/2 cup sesame seeds

1/2 cup coconut

1/2 cup chopped hazelnuts

1/2 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup honey

1 tsp cinnamon

dash salt

dash vanilla extract

1/2 cup each chopped dried apricots, dried cherries and raisins

zest of one lemon or one orange

Preheat oven to 325 F. Combine oats, bran, sesame, coconut, hazelnuts and sunflower seeds in a big bowl.

Heat oil, honey, cinnamon , salt and vanilla in a small saucepan until blended and runny. Pour over oat mixture and combine well. Spread onto greased or parchment lined baking sheet and bake for 20 - 30 minutes, until rich golden brown. Remove from oven and stir in fruit and zest. Let cool, and break into pieces. Stores well in airtight container in pantry.

And here's a photo of the Princess with our latest Snow-girl.

And I've lost another pound!

Why? Why?!

This morning, much too early, here at the House of Bad:

Me: Princess? Where are you?

Princess: In the kitchen!

Me: What are you doing?

Princess: Shaking off my hands. They got wet.

Me: How did they get wet?

No answer

Me: Princess...how did your hands get wet?

No answer again, but I notice her eyes keep darting to my glass of water.

Me: (incredulous) Did you put your hands in my water?

Princess: Well it was right there!

Me: So? I don't put my hands in your drinks, do I? Why would you do that?

Princess: Mo-o-om! My hands were really not clean!

Me: And you think I want to drink your dirt?!

No answer

Me: If your hands catch fire and my drink is the closest source of water, you can put them in it. Until then, use the sink to wash them! Or get a baby wipe if you're lazy.....can you please take this glass to the kitchen and get me a new drink? And use a clean glass....

Princess: Ok mommy. That's just what I was going to do anyway.

Me: Hmm. Thanks.

I have a feeling it's going to be even harder to get down those 8 glasses a day now....yuck!

Your average evening at the House of Bad

Bedtime. We've brushed her teeth, put on her jammies, made sure all her Barbies are dressed and warm for the night, read 3 stories, and finally, turned out the light.

Princess: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Princess: Do we have to wear socks even in summer?

Me: No. Go to sleep.

Princess: Mommy?

Me: What?

Princess: I'm going to dream about the beach. What are you going to dream about?

Me: Breakfast.

Princess: Mommy! You can't dream about breakfast! Pick a gooder dream!

Me: Fine. I'll dream about unicorns dancing on rainbows.

Princess: Good. That's a much gooder dream Mommy.

Me: Good night Princess.

Princess: Mommy?

Me: What?!

Princess: Do turtles have teeth?

Me: I have no idea. Stop talking.

Princess: Mommy?

Me: (through gritted teeth) Yes?

Princess: When I'm a grown-up I'm still going to live here with you.

Me: Fine. Will you please stop talking and go to sleep?

Princess: Mommy?

Me: What?!!

Princess: I love you.

Me: I love you too. Now stop talking to me and go to sleep already!

She did.